Kay's Concierge Service

Life is going along as planned. You and your husband retire … it’s time to read, relax, travel, volunteer, garden, bird watch, and more. And then, you get the call from the independent living facility where your 90-year-old mother lives. What? Mom fell? The staff member at the facility says, “Your mother fell while trying to get into bed. She was taken by ambulance to the emergency room. She’s experiencing severe pain in her back.

You live one hour away and leave immediately for the emergency room. On the way, you call your two siblings and explain what happened. Once there, you learn that mom has compression fractures of the spine. Turns out, mom laid on the floor for about an hour before pushing her Lifeline button. This cannot happen again.

Further, due to her injuries and anxiety about falling again, the doctor ordered round-the-clock care. Someone has to walk with her all the time. The doctor recommended a rehab or nursing home. However, mom wants to go back to the independent living facility. So, you agree to take care of mom’s needs.

Unfortunately, you don’t know how to take care of mom. So, she gets frustrated. And, so do you. Mom feels the need to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes or so…this means you have to walk behind her, get her situated in the bathroom, wait outside, help her up, and walk behind her to her favorite chair. Mom is very demanding and whiney. Your grandparents and your late father pampered her. She had nannies growing up and maids as an adult. She’s not used to doing anything for herself and you struggle to keep up with her demands. As much as you love her, you cannot do this on your own. You are at a breaking point.

This is a true story. One I witnessed first hand as a caregiver. The reality is…if your loved ones go to a nursing home or rehab, all of these things are taken care of by Medicare or insurance. However, if your loved ones choose to go home or back to the independent living facility– it’s a lot of work. Therefore, I recommend that you and your siblings plan ahead and search for answers to the questions below:

• Who do we call to provide round-the-clock care?
• How do we organize the schedule?
• How much will this cost?
• Does Mom have insurance to cover these needs?
• Who can we trust coming in her home when we are not there?
• Hourly care, or live in?
• Do we pay caregivers daily, weekly, monthly?
• Do we need 1099 forms?
• Where do we obtain those forms?

Are you ready to answer these questions? If you have been through this recently, how did you handle this list of questions? Do you have tips to share with others? Many of us will be going through this and it will help if we can assist one another. In my next blog post I will discuss more things to consider if and when you get the “your mother fell” call.